If you’re trying to find a mate or have a meaningful relationship with someone, it can be difficult if you have certain personality traits that men find intimidating. Yes, you should be a strong woman with a good sense of herself. But perhaps you exhibit some behaviors that could be off-putting or confusing to guys. This guide will show you a few reasons why you may be intimidating to the men you meet and what you can do to change the outcome. Read on to find out if your dating troubles are signs you are intimidating to guys.
Why Are Men Intimidated by Me?
It can be hard for some men to be around a woman who knows what she wants and doesn’t hesitate to go after it. Some men see self-confidence as sexy and exciting, while others may feel intimidated. They don’t know how to act around a woman who doesn’t need constant reassurance that she is beautiful, smart, and funny because she already knows these things about herself. No one should have to change their essential self for a man to love them. The right guy can get past feeling insecure if he gets to know you.
What Type of Girl Intimidates Guys?
Many men will always be intimidated by a strong woman who knows what she wants or is successful and financially stable. However, some men can’t move past their intimidation for these reasons:
They are insecure about themselves and don’t feel comfortable with a strong woman.They need to be the stronger, more confident partner in relationships.They want a demure and self-effacing type of woman.They aren’t enlightened about feminism and gender equality in relationships.They are narcissistic and need a submissive partner who focuses just on them.
Plenty of guys don’t fall into these categories, and it’s worth looking into some of your own behaviors and choices to discern why you may push away someone who could be a great match for you.
21 Reasons You May Be Intimidating to Men
If you’re single and find that men just don’t approach you, you should reflect on the subtle signs you are intimidating to guys. Do men take you out but never ask for a second date? They could be interested but are too insecure to risk rejection. Here are a few reasons you may be intimidating to men.
1. You’re attractive, but you’re still single.
One question guys ask is, “Why are you still single”? They can’t figure out why a pretty woman doesn’t have a husband or boyfriend. They may be too scared to ask you out because they’re afraid there’s something wrong with you (high maintenance, too bossy, or hard to get along with). He may act goofy, ask too many questions, or talk excessively. These are signs a guy is intimidated by your looks. If you are interested in him, be honest and forthright about why you’ve chosen to remain single. If he’s nervous because of your looks, give him hints that you are interested and find him attractive.
2. You have a high-paying job.
A man can be intimidated by a successful woman who earns more than he does. His family may have raised him to believe the man is the primary breadwinner, and he doesn’t know how to feel about dating someone who makes more than they do. A smart, open-minded guy can get past this and even appreciate your success. But run away from those whose egos can’t handle it.
3. You’re taller than they are.
If you’re a woman who is 5 foot 8 in bare feet and over 6 feet in heels, your height can be a little intimidating to shorter men. The old notion that the man should be taller is outdated. There is nothing wrong with a woman being taller than a man. If a man is insecure about his height, it may be why he doesn’t approach you. But if you don’t mind the height difference and want to get to know him, let him know.
4. You have high self-esteem.
Some men believe that certain women are out of their league. These guys feel you are unapproachable if you’re an intelligent, confident woman. They’ll stare at you all day long but don’t have the confidence to come over and strike up a conversation for fear of being rejected. If you’re always with your friends, it takes a very secure man to approach a group of women and start talking. You may need to send him a few signals that you are approachable and want to talk to him if you’re attracted to him.
5. You speak your mind without holding back.
Some guys may find it off-putting if you’re a woman who is blunt and to the point. Having your own opinion and being upfront about what you want in a relationship is not bad. But consider your presentation and how it may come across. If a guy is used to women who just smile and agree with whatever they say, that’s a red flag for you. But if you leave no room for his opinion or don’t invite conversation, he’ll feel shut down.
6. You’re too independent.
You mow your lawn, can change a tire and have no problem traveling by yourself. Perhaps you have a well-paying job and can afford to buy whatever you want. You don’t need anyone to “take care” of you, buy you stuff, or pay for every date. But maybe your independence comes across as disinterest. This can intimidate men because it makes them feel you don’t need them. A guy can like an independent woman, but on occasion, they want their woman to need them in an emotionally healthy way. He wants to be your hero now and then.
7. You don’t laugh at his jokes.
Men often use humor as an icebreaker. A well-timed joke can let them know if they are in the presence of an approachable woman. Of course, it’s not a good idea to fake it, but try to let them know that you have a sense of humor when they are trying to make you laugh to ease the tension. If you come across as stoic or sarcastic he attempts to break the ice, he’ll assume you aren’t interested.
8. Your life is more exciting than his.
You’re smart and interesting. You’ve got a lot going on in your life, and you do a lot of things that he doesn’t. He feels intimidated that you’re not just some girl who wants to hang out with him all the time, but someone who has her own life. It’s one thing if a guy doesn’t like it when you’re always too busy for him. But it’s another if he tries to rein you in. A conversation about this early on can help you discern his expectations.
9. You’re smarter than he is (at least he thinks so).
It’s hard dating someone who is not as intellectual or curious as you are. If he can’t keep up with your conversations and tunes out when you start talking about politics or philosophy, it’s not necessarily that he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. It could be that he doesn’t care about those topics and his interests lie elsewhere. Either way, you should never diminish your intellect to make him more comfortable. If he can’t keep up or tunes you out, he’s likely not a keeper – not matter how charming and attractive he may be.
10. You talk a lot about yourself and your accomplishments.
And you should be proud of the hard work you’ve put in to get where you are in life. If you have received awards for excellence in business or certification in specialized skills, it’s okay to be proud of those accomplishments. Men always say, “Tell me about yourself,” but they may not expect a cascade of information about your brilliance. Try a little give and take in these conversations by asking about him as well. You don’t need to share your entire resume of achievements right away.
11. You’re too good at everything.
There’s a song from Annie Get Your Gun called “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better,” and it’s the theme song of your life. He tells you he plays tennis, and you share that you’re a semi-pro. He just started taking yoga, and you can do a tripod headstand with lotus legs. Your excellence in many things is a bit scary. Who wouldn’t feel intimidated around someone who’s so much better at so many things? You have no idea how great your life is, and it scares guys away. You don’t need to change who you are—just make sure you’re aware of how you come across. If you’re too good at everything, guys won’t think they can keep up with you or measure up in any way.
12. You’re not impressed by his career or his car.
Men are sensitive to the fact that some women want to date men higher up on the social ladder. They want to know that you’re impressed by their success in life, so if you refuse to show any interest in their accomplishments, they’ll think you don’t believe they have anything going for them. It doesn’t matter if he’s a good guy — if he feels you’re not interested because he’s not successful enough, he’ll stop trying to impress you. Maybe you can subtly suggest that you’re more interested in character than cash. 21 Examples Of Healthy Boundaries In Relationships The Only List You’ll Need Of 311 Likes And Dislikes Lacking Confidence In Your Relationship? 15 Tips To Empower Yourself And Feel Self-Assured
13. You’re physically strong or athletic.
Many men are intimidated by physically strong or athletic women, says dating coach and author Stephanie Mark. They feel you could beat them in a race or sports, so they don’t bother pursuing you. Other guys may find this wildly attractive and fun. Again, you shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not to win a guy’s attention. You want to be with someone who shares your interests – or at least respects them.
14. You like to make the first move.
You’re not afraid to go for what you want, and that’s great! Maybe you’re a woman who isn’t into games of chase, just wants to cut through all the B.S., and tells a guy when she’s interested. But this directness can be intimidating for guys who are not used to women making the first move. Give the guy a chance to approach you; if he doesn’t, try a slightly more subtle approach if you decide to take the initiative.
15. You want a relationship/marriage/kids.
The quickest way to send immature men packing is to start talking about the future. Younger guys are generally interested in today and have no plans to get serious and settle down. And kids certainly don’t fit into their plans right now. Expect some men to distance themselves from you if you make it known that you’re looking for a long-term relationship that moves to marriage. It that’s what you want, and the guy is clear he isn’t ready for that for years, move on. Don’t assume you can change his mind.
16. You hold a position of power.
Men can find it intimidating to date a woman in a position of power or authority. A woman who is a lawyer, police captain, sheriff, military officer, or CEO commands authority and has a very forceful personality. Imagine what it must be like for Judge Judy’s husband. You’ll need a strong, confident man who is equal to you and accepting and proud of who you are. Or perhaps you want to be in a female-led relationship where the man plays the stereotypical female role.
17. You’ve had more sexual partners than he has.
A woman with more sexual experience is naturally intimidating to a man. He may wonder if he can keep up with her or if he’s as good in bed as her last partner. Men can have performance issues when they feel intimidated, and the chance of this happening is sometimes enough for a man to avoid you. There’s no need for you to reveal your sexual history right away. Keep those details to yourself until you become a more serious couple.
18. You’re competitive.
A competitive woman may be something he’s not used to. You like to try new things to test your strength or agility just for the fun of it. He may appreciate a good game of pool or racquetball, but if you beat him soundly and he doesn’t call you for a second date, it’s one of the signs a guy likes you but is intimidated by you. No one wants to be with a guy who can’t handle the occasional trouncing. But on occasion, select an activity he excels in, so he experiences the thrill of victory too.
19. You have an expensive lifestyle.
You like nice things and have an extravagant lifestyle. Men can be intimidated by a woman who lives well and has expensive tastes. If you have a nice car, a fancy house, and wear nice clothes, he may think he will have to buy you expensive gifts to make you happy. For both men and women, it’s better to play down your level of affluence until you get to know each other better. You don’t want someone to choose or reject you because of it.
20. You can read people well.
You’re a good judge of character and can see through other people’s b.s. You can tell when someone is making up a story to impress you or outright lies to avoid embarrassment. The ability to read people is a trait that serves you well by keeping you away from people with bad intentions. But it can unnerve a guy who isn’t used to being read like a book.
21. You are intense.
You run fast, play hard, and give everything 100% always. Insecure men may find you too intense for them. Like attracts like, so quieter types may tend to stay away. Or you could be the kind of intense where you have deep, philosophical thoughts and want to discuss more complex and meaningful topics. A carefree extrovert can find that too much for them. You can’t change your essential personality, so wait for a man who shares and respects your intensity. If you resonate with many of the above examples, you may be intimidating to some men you meet. It’s okay to be single and enjoy being on your own. Just because you desire a relationship doesn’t mean it’s the only thing you want in life. Some guys will be intimidated by your success and independence. They might fear others seeing him as less than perfect next to someone like you. If a man feels like he does not measure up to your high standards, he may run for the hills before he even tries to get to know you better. But don’t let this get you down; it’s his problem, not yours!
